12Jan/18Off

Dr Naoise O’Reilly Work and Research Areas

Dr Naoise O'Reilly Work and Research Areas 
12Jan/18Off

How to set goals and intentions with Children

Boy

Setting Goals and Intentions with Children

 

Why is it a good idea to get into the practice of setting goals with children?

 

1: It allows you to feel in control of your life from a young age. Some personalities need to feel in control of their lives more than others. This can be a positive way to give this element to certain children.

 

2: It is good with intentions to learn to believe in something bigger than yourself. Studies have shown that people who have some outside belief in their lives are naturally happier. This can counterbalance the over control aspect of some personalities.

 

3: It reinforces positivity from a young age. Certain personalities more than others need to feel that they are achieving and moving forward. They respond well to benchmarking and having milestones in their lives. This is good to reinforce from an early age.

 

4: It teaches reflection in children. It's good from a young age to learn to think about your whole life. What is good? What do you want to change? What do you want to achieve this year? How?

 

How to go about setting these?

 

Very simply, they need three aspects;

 

1: To make sure they are your intentions or goals. Not what you feel you should be doing. This is vital to teach from a young age. We should be driven by our own standards and internal benchmarks, not the expectations we feel others have of us.

 

2: The difference between intentions and goals. Goals need to have a timeframe and a set ideal point of achievement. I'm going to be able to do this, I'm going to work up to this set point or I'm going to learn this new skill or I'm going to set this new best time for myself and so on.

 

3: Intentions, on the other hand, are more flexible but it's good to learn from young that we can set an intention to bring something into our world and manifest it for ourselves. Personalities that are more intuitive learn sometime too late in life that they are good at manifesting their desires. We don't do enough work with children to positively show what is possible for them with a positive thought.

 

What Matters with these goals or intentions?

 

1: That you are doing them for yourself. That they are inspiring you to be the best of yourself. A good quote for this is; “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Aristotle

 

2: That they are not all materialistic aspirations. There is more to value in life.

 

3: That they are balanced across your whole life. All too often children feel doing well in school is all that matters. What you do outside, what you achieve, fitness, health, sport, sleep, friends, family, creativity - all of this matter so much. Use this an exercise to make children look at their whole world not just their grades!

 

4: That they are achievable. If the goal is too high it can feel unattainable. It's ok to learn early in life that big goals need to be broken into small steps and conquered gradually. You get to the big goal in the end - just sometimes things need time. This teaches long-term motivation and perseverance rather than failure.

 

 

 

Featured in Family Friendly HQ

9Jan/18Off

Signs Your Life is Out of Balance and What To Do About It?

balance

How do you feel when your life is out of balance?


What are the signs of your life being out of Balance? Here are 7 key areas to look for tells in your life. They cross all areas of your life from work to relationships. How do you react to interruptions? How do you benchmark how well you are doing in yourself? How well do you eat? What is your personal self-worth? How many people truly ask these questions of themselves?


1: The control tell: The easiest way to think about how you feel is how little it takes to tip the scales. You feel emotional, stressed, overwhelmed all the time. This can lead to an unhealthy need to control yourself or others in a desperate need to readdress the balance.


2: The interruption tell: You have a lack of tolerance and patience. The smallest things push you over the edge in an unreasonable overreaction for the level of the challenge. You can also have a lack of tolerance for noise and interruptions. Do you lose it with people in your work or home environment easily?


3: Looking outside tell: There is a constant feeling of being overwhelmed and not knowing where or how to start tasks. Do you always feel as if there is a task hanging over you? You can find it very hard to know what others expect from you. You find yourself constantly seeking validation from others to see if you are doing well enough. You can find your perfectionism crippling. Unable to start tasks in case they are not done well enough.


4: Fitness and diet tell: You either don't do enough exercise or become obsessed with too much. You control your food and don't have good sleeping patterns. You are always tired and can't get out of bed in the mornings. You wonder "what does sunrise look like" - you never see it! The alarm goes off 10 times in the mornings.


5: The wrong key tell: You feel displaced and opportunities don't seem to arrive or never quite fit to work out. You are always blaming fate. The wrong set of circumstances for you. Besides not being promoted in jobs you can find that you are endlessly looking for a new fit, you never quite settle anywhere. You are constantly upskilling to feel whole. Will the next course fill the void?


6: Relationship tell: You can suddenly withdraw from people and relationships. Ending relationships suddenly without clear thought. Have you stopped talking to your family? Do you seem to have displaced friends from your life recently? Do you just feel disconnected from everyone around you?


7: The searching tell: You are constantly searching to fit in and belong somewhere. Never found anyone that truly gets you. This can lead to an obsession in self-analysis. What's wrong with me? This can become a serial self-help or development search. Do you join many different groups and never stick at any one of them for any length of time?


If these are the tells what are the fixes? How do you counterbalance yourself? There are three simple factors;


1: You need to understand your strengths and weaknesses.


2: You need to find a way to express what it really is you want to achieve in life. Set goals.


3: You need to know how to fulfill your dreams or the steps to make them happen. Try to create a roadmap of realistic steps to these goals for yourself.


Why do the people who come to me crave more balance in their lives? Many people would assume that the aspirations are materialistic. The goals of a new car, a bigger house or to earn more money. It's not that many of these achievements do not happen with greater balance but generally there are 7 key mindsets that people seek.


These are;


1: Happiness is the most important element.


2: Confidence is also a top priority.


3: People strive for self-worth.


4: Respect is huge, both at home and in the workplace.


5: Greater work-life balance. To not always feel tired and jaded.


6: Quality time to spend with the people who matter in their lives and for the other interests in life.


7: Better relationships with partners, children, family and work colleagues.


Everyone that comes to me uses the phrase to me that "they are at crossroads in their life". They want me to siphon their dreams out of them, that have often been forgotten along the way. But most importantly they want a roadmap of how to get to where they want to be, "I now have a way of moving forward to achieve what I am capable of in life and doing what will make me happier". I always say start with steps. No matter how small they are steps in the right direction. Take control in a positive way. I don't ever tell anyone anything that they don't tell me already knew inside themselves, "Dr. O'Reilly has helped to bring together feelings, thoughts, and plans that have been floating around in my head for some time".


Feature in Family Friendly HQ
 
21Nov/17Off

What matters most in educational development nature or nurture

Raised-hands-in-class-original

What matters most in educational development? Nature or Nurture?

 

 

That age-old debate of what makes us who we are? How much of ourselves is down to genes, parents or environment? How much is learned?

 

What are Nature and Nurture?:

 

I have always been obsessed with two aspects of the people I work with, their personality and the way they process the world around them. For me, personality is nature and processing ability, how you learn, is nurture.

 

This has been a huge focus of my work as in order to help people change often long-term generational destructive patterns you have to understand where they steam from and what you have control over.

 

How did this discovery come about for me?:

 

Like all big research eureka moments this one came about by accident. Almost 8 years ago now, at the end of the first term at The Homework Club (my development center), we work through an evaluation process with the students to wrap up the term's achievements. Firstly, I decided to do the evaluation with all ages from 5 upwards. This turned out to be a great decision.

 

The evaluation had two main functions, firstly to get the students thinking about their own progress over the term, where they had reached and where they would still like to improve in each topic. This gave them control over their own learning objectives and helps them map out a plan for the new year. The second function allowed them to study their learning style across 4 types of learner.The answer I expected was that the underdeveloped students to tick boxes across all 4 areas and have no real idea what their learning style was.

 

This also allowed us to reflect on the students and their personalities. When I first started this study of the students, I saw a trend very quickly that the disorganized, unstructured and unfocused students didn't fit neatly into one category of learning style. They ticked one box in each section with no clear direction of thought. Many of these students simply didn't know where their strengths lied or how they learned best. This evaluation exercise would allow as a teaching team to focus on key skills we felt that needed to be improved or to help the students develop more structure in certain areas and so on throughout the second term in preparation for the exams at the end of term three. But this exercise turned out to be much more significant.

 

After the 3rd year of this study, I saw an even bigger significance than I did initially. As the student cohort had expanded in the ages (from 5 to 20+) and the learning difficulties of the students became more diverse, I now saw a new more important trend.

 

The younger students, especially those with conditions such as dyslexia, dyspraxia, ADD, ADHD, and Aspergers all exhibit a "multiplicity". This means they can honestly tick all the boxes on the questionnaire for their learning style. I initially thought the younger students just didn't understand the task. But then I reflected they can't have all got it wrong? I thought about the individuals involved and their learning styles and realized that they had done the excise correctly.

 

What this amounted to was that these students had multiple ways to work and process information. I referred to this as multiplicity, learning in 3 to 4 learning styles simultaneously. They needed to learn in many ways at once, especially to make it interesting and challenging for them. So for example when we always separate out reading, writing and creative tasks separately, it is hard for them to learn and to stay interested. If we suddenly use very visual ways to learn reading and writing around exciting visual and auditory style topics we suddenly saw much better results. It's worth noting that we also didn't see any of the behavior difficulties associated with the conditions.

 

As students go through the system they seem to lose this gift of multiplicity.

 

I only saw a very small proportion of very well adjusted personalities and diversely interested students in the senior cycle above the age of 15. Most had become linear in their way of processing because of the environment or nurturing. Since we always force students to work in one way in a very segregated style in the conversational school system, it seems to me that they lose this wonderful diverse multiplicity along the way. Not only does this mean they don't learn well within their learning style but they get out of the habit of using key skills they possess to do tasks in new, creative and fresh ways. Something that would be hugely beneficial for later working life in all sectors.

 

The time factor:

 

Often you feel you are racing the clock. I now know it is so much easier to cause a lasting significant change in people pre 7. Particularly in helping with literacy, learning or personality difficulties. I find myself ranting to those close to me about how we don't work to diagnose people with a condition pre 7 because we have become obsessed with conditions and labels for children instead of development. I think for me there is a whole sperate article on labels versus development.

 

How about we forget the label and realize the importance of the opportunity that exists for us in this golden timeframe? So this leads me back to what matters most nature or nurture? Which is changeable?

 

Can you change Nature or Nurture?

 

From my research over the last 8 years, I have proven that it is possible to change the processing abilities of students if you work with the student pre 10. By 15 you have lost the golden opportunity to nurture people to a more dynamic processing abilities.

 

For some personalities, they naturally process the world in more ways than others. But with the Purple Learning environment system where you teach people in all 4 processing ways, visual, auditory, kinesthetic and practical you can develop the more predisposed linear people to work in all of these ways beyond the age of 15.

 

The death of creativity:

 

It was a shock for me to realise that the traditional school system appears to flatten what I call multiplicity out of students. I think when Ken Robinson talks about the death of creativity in the school system, for me, he is talking about this linear processing that we develop by the conformity of the traditional education ways. So this nurturing is an environmental created way of working, experiencing and seeing the world around you.

 

So how about nature? Nature is personality. This is generational. I've been particularly researching the correlation between personality and processing abilities. How you take in the world around you and how you communicate this interpretation. What I find really striking about personalities in families is that they often skip a generation. You can have a child in a family who resembles a grandparent or an Aunt or Uncle from either side of the parent's families. Often many of the clashes or black sheep in families are the rarer personalities that only seem to surface less in the generations.

 

Why are certain ages important?

 

The image shows what I call the Purple Development Timescale. In this, you can see that ages 6, 7, 10 and 15 are all vitally important milestones in learning and development.

 

So why are 7 and 10 such critical ages in learning? At 7 your personality starts to cement itself. So combined with how you naturally take in the world around you so prior to this is a huge pivotal time to work with someone on their learning styles. By 10 you start to see yourself in context to the outer world. So this is another vital time period up to 15 to increase your capacity for being different and stretch the development beyond your natural comfort zone.

 

What are the educational development implications?:

 

So what are the implications of these factors? Well, firstly it has a huge impact on widening people's processing abilities. The more dynamic education is up to the age of 10 the wider the learning possibilities are for the future of each student. If there are learning challenges these need to be addressed pre the age of 7. I get my best literacy difficulty results with students before the age of 6 in a positive way without obsessing over what's wrong with them or what label they should be given. The irony is that time and time I have shown that if I work with a student before 7 they don't require a label later as the literacy difficulties are gone. Ages 10 t0 15 require much more thought in education. We need to be much more aware of the comfort zones of certain personalities and the quirks of what each need. The biggest school refusal stages are between 13 and 15. But the challenges that have to lead to these have begun at age 10. I often tell people that I need to go backward in order to find the result for now. But the reality is for me that I wish I was starting at the ground zero point. If we encouraged multiplicity in schools rather than our very linear approach we would be creating more dynamic people for the current environment and times we live in. But we don't, we have the most amount of control and linearity in education pre 15. After this stage, there is little point in becoming more dynamic. The damage is already done. The opportunity to nurture lost. The personalities who are naturally dynamic that we currently label as everything from ADHD to gifted wouldn't be bored either and stitch off as many of them do currently. This is why nature and nurture both have important roles to play in educational development.

 

So what matters most in development Nature or Nurture. The answer is both, but what is more important is time. You have a crucial window of opportunity. You can't control Nature but you can optimise people's personality for the better. You are completely in control of Nurture and the more diverse you are at critical ages of development the bigger the impact in producing well-rounded people. This is the key to escaping the label vortex that we are currently creating in conventional education.

 

 

Publish on Family Friendly HQ.

 

http://www.familyfriendlyhq.ie/family-blog/what-matters-most-in-educational-development-nature-or-nurture

16Oct/17Off

What does Dr Naoisé O’Reilly do?

What does Dr Naoise O'Reilly do? 
Recently I asked a series of people who have worked with me what do I do? Here are some of the answers, including the humorous!
16Oct/17Off

Why Unconditional love is so important in Child Development

Boy-hugging-mom-r

WHY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE IS SO IMPORTANT FOR CHILD DEVELOPMENT?

Defining unconditional love:

 

What is unconditional love? It's knowing that someone loves you no matter what you do, who you are, what choices you make in life, what you get right or wrong. Their support is fundamentally guaranteed. This type of love and support matters most for children to receive from their parents growing up and leads to long-term implications.

 

I am of the opinion that it is vital to have unconditional love in your life as a child in order to feel that you can step out, be your true self and take anything on in the world.

 

I wondered over the last few years why I have never felt fear - it's an emotion that I have never really truly understand. I recently read through the huge international bestseller, "feel the fear and do it anyway", by Susan Jeffers. I have never felt fear at doing anything in any of the suggested areas in the book. So I began to question why is this? Why do so many people have to go on a journey of self-discovery to conquer their fears? Why do so many of my clients struggle to be true to their inner selves?

 

Why is unconditional love so important?:

 

Why is it so rare for me to see people who are not afraid to be themselves? They have this inner core of strength that allows them to express themselves. Like me, they are always seen as "strong" people. There is a strength of character that in fact attracts people to them that haven't experienced unconditional love themselves growing up.

 

I describe this feeling as being similar to a tightrope walker at the top of a circus tent who can walk along this fine wire right up in the sky pf the tent because they know there is a safety net below. It's this conviction that no matter what goes wrong in life you have a solid foundation to fall back on. There's an infinite sense of comfort for your whole life that everything is possible for you. You are built for life from the inside out.

 

Changing the generational patterns:

 

So why do so many parents struggle to give such a simple comfort to their children? Why is the focus on goals? Often academic ones? Why have we lost sight of what really matters? While recording a podcast on this topic recently it was pointed out to me that you needed to have self-love in order to be able to give unconditional love. Are we simply then stuck in an environmental vortex of not being able to give what we didn't experience ourselves. I know it is possible to give this support to the next generation even if you didn't experience it yourself. But I guess awareness is key. As one of my clients put this into words, "Your work is key. It unlocks a person's potential, which makes them feel worthy and stops them inflicting damage on the next generation."

 

The search for Self-Love:

 

I find that when people have not grown up with unconditional love they find their lives searching for a feeling to fill a chasm that has been left inside in them. We often have the wrong focus that results in excess materialism or a real need to prove ourselves academically. We are constantly seeking validation. You constantly read articles on how to produce brilliant, well-adjusted and clever children. I often find parents setting academic milestones for their children to reach or I find the children seeking attention in negative ways with the idea that any attention is better than no attention. These children will often talk about materialistic possessions in a hope to impress others. I find it most disturbing that it often depends on where you were born in a household as to how much love you feel you receive. We have a terrible habit of the first child being born into a family receiving huge attention and then either being pushed to the side with later arrivals or the younger siblings not receiving the same attention in the same way. It really is so easy to give this love to your child which forms such a strong basis for their lifelong development.

 

The wider implications for human interactions and relationships:

 

With unconditional love, we could eradicate the need for the whole personal development industry overnight. Since the beginning, I have always strived with my work and research to make myself obsolete. I know to truly make lasting changes to the way we live and interact with each other this has to be achieved through experiences not talking. If you have experienced unconditional love you know how vital this is to pass on to your next generation. If you didn't have unconditional love growing up and you have spent a lifetime searching for a belief that will make you feel whole, you also now know how vital unconditional love is for the people in your own world. Either way, your own life experience has thought you what is needed.

 

 

 

 

 

Published by Family Friendly HQ

 

http://www.familyfriendlyhq.ie/family-blog/why-unconditional-love-is-so-important-for-child-development

28Jun/17Off

Quote, Dr Naoisé O’Rilly

IMG_3932

6May/17Off

Pina Bausch – Why I identify with her, Naoisé O’Reilly

Over the years I have read a few books since I started on my own journey that has really helped, been profound or I have found in some way deeply grounding. I guess when we can truly relate to someone else it's hugely helpful for our own journey. I think this is why I study so many biographies of pioneering people.

This book on Pina Bausch has been eagerly awaited by me since I went to see the 3D film Pina a number of times in the last few years.

28818668Pina Bausch: Dance Can be Virtually Everything
by Marion Mayer, Penny Black (Translation)

So what do I relate to in Pina that has been so profoundly helpful for me? Firstly, her work at times can be quite challenging for the audience she had a deep desire to show very complex difficult themes in humans such as humiliation. I can often read humiliation on people as tattoos. It's one of the most damaging aspects of education. There is a sense of her taking in vast arrays of human interactions to honestly reveal them. It's all condensed and presented easily to people for them to absorb. She was fascinated not only by the complexities of emotions but the contradictions within people. I have whole notebooks of these contractions as they determine the needs.

Mostly I was delighted to understand that she disliked labels and never wanted to explain her work to anyone. I personally hate talking about my work. I loathe that question; "what do you do?". She wanted each person to take their own interpretation and experience for themselves. In the same way, I struggle to explain to people what I'm going to do working with them and everyone describes it as a personal journey in the end.

What struck me when I went to the see the film was the interviews with the dancers who said phrases such as " I never had the words to express myself before I met Pina". I think expression is possibly one of the most key elements on the planet for me.

There was a sense for me in watching and reading about Pina that she was frustrated, bored and couldn't find a channel for her thoughts and ideas. This was when she started to "make something for herself". She sought a new language, "a new set of vocabulary". I guess I felt identical when I started my own school. I'd done so much time in everyone else mould of education and I couldn't find a way to truly express what I wanted to achieve from within the system so I made a school.

Most of all I love the way she worked with her team of dancers. She started everything with questions. She revelled in difference. She wanted to look right into people and see something that made her curious about them. This approach of questions and x-ray stare will be familiar to anyone who's worked with me.

Her team was completely international and the universal themes in the work brought by this mix of people could transcend across the globe. Pina says " You have to care for them and very slowly allow them to grow. Which requires huge mutual trust". There are so few people who have this core of strength within themselves that they can give others freedom to grow. People's insecurities all too often cause them to need to control others. A huge dilemma within the conventional education models.

Pina developed work with people. It was a process that I find I can truly relate too. It's often hard for people to hear that I construct what I will do with them as the sessions develop. It's clear to me always where we need to go. Pina didn't start at the beginning of the work either. Which I can also completely relate too. I always keep the end goal in mind. That is what we are working back from.

Pina understood the importance of research and learning by working with international people. She talks about not being a tourist but having the opportunity to work within different cultures. This was also the reason I took such a huge step in closing my school. I didn't want to become localised. I knew it was important to have the knowledge that working internationally with people would bring to me.

Pina seems to have been acutely aware of the differences of working with Men and Women. I create completely different sessions for both genders and see great differences as developing children too. I think the furthest we have really got into this understanding in the education system is whether to put them together or not.
Pina had a great understanding of what an audience needed to relate to a piece. She knew that the what was being conveyed would be universally understood if they had seen something honest, true and quite exposing from the dancers themselves. This is something I really struggle to explain to people. How can you make a person you haven't worked with yet understand that through trust, respect and a well-crafted journey that they will own their experiences more deeply?

One of the reasons I read biographies is to understand the importance of having the courage to follow your own ideas, ways of thinking, ways of seeing the world. But Pina also followed her intuition and dreams which I totally relate to too.

Of course, there are simple similarities I relate to too such as the need to work independently to think up new ideas, often late at night. The fact that she was described as horrendously organised! The fact that it's almost impossible to separate out the work and person life. All these speak of a person that I would have loved to have known in person.

Ironically, The challenge for me is to find a way to express what I do in a way that allows others to experience it. That I don't have the outlet or forum of a stage to create this is somewhat of a challenge. Similar to Pina I don't like labels and I don't want to explain everything. I want others to feel something different, more balanced that they can take on board for themselves. Ownership of your own expression is very important for me.

Pina Bausch created a legacy in an archive of work and a foundation. Every prop or piece of scenery was saved from her shows even as she was developing her works. She set out precisely what she wanted to belong in the archive and how she even wanted to see it structured.

It's clear to me that I need a foundation for my work long term. Not for the monitory reasons that I've been encouraged to have one in the past but for the set guidelines on how my methods should be used for other generations. A protection to the integrity of the work.

I deeply grateful to Marion Mayer & Penny Black (translator) for the long anticipated book.

Naoisé O'Reilly

26Feb/17Off

Dr Naoisé O’Reilly Speaking at the ASPIRE (Asperger Syndrome Association of Ireland) conference 2016

6Feb/17Off

New Podcast episodes and interviewer

Purple Psychology®Purple Psychology® Podcast on Apple iTunes.

https://itunes.apple.com/ie/podcast/purple-psychology/id981266976

Android version on Podomatic:

http://purplepsychology.podomatic.com/

Purple Psychology: a No.1 podcast on multiple charts repeatedly with listeners in 89 countries. Episodes 1 - 45 were presented in conjunction with Marie O'Riordan. Dr. Naoisé O’Reilly is a resident expert live guest. In February 2017, the podcast relaunched with Episode 46 and a new Presenter, Melanie Hoskin. Discussion topics include Education, Personality Theory Research, Success Tips and life hacking everyday life scenarios for children and adults. Episodes are recorded in bite-sized chunks saving you time. Dr. Naoisé O’Reilly is a Founder, Expression Developist™, multi-award-winning Educationalist awarded Ability Company Status, Personality Theory Researcher and Mentor. Marie O'Riordan is a multi-award-winning Chief Communications Officer (CCO), Media, Marketing and Communications Experimentalist/Theorist and Broadcast Journalism veteran. Melanie Hoskin is a solution focused Life and Business Strategist based in Dublin. Melanie produces and presents the very popular self-help radio show Life Talk Live on Dublin South FM, dealing with issues that affect our daily lives. Melanie interviewed Naoisé for a piece on exam stress and students. This podcast is brought to you by the 365Success journaling app, a Top 200 app. See Purple Success dot com. Podcast/app disclaimer on Purple Psychology dot com. ©Dr. Naoisé O'Reilly 2017.

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Introduction

Welcome to the Purple Learning Project.

The aim of the Purple Learning Project Foundation is to create a legacy of the methods which Dr Naoisé O’Reilly has developed since 2009.

The methods in learning and personality theory have been developed while working with people of a variety of ages, backgrounds, and cultures. The methods have been applied to the education, business and sporting environments. The ages are in the spectrum of 4 to 70's. The methods include: Purple Profiling, Purple Processing Scales, The Periodic Table of the Development of Results, Forget Phonics Reading Method, Purple Pre-School Success and so on...

There has always been a clear distinction for Dr Naosié in working with people who currently need help within the system and leaving behind something of integrity for the future generations.

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